THE MALE “BESTIE” WHY SHE NEEDS ONE AND HOW TO CHANGE THAT.

This past week I was doing some research, I picked ten girls randomly and asked them five simple Yes or NO questions and the response was amazing. Personally, I was intrigued by the results. Six out of ten agreed they have a male “bestie”. In addition, they all agreed on talking more to the bestie than their boyfriends no surprise there and some noted that they can talk to the bestie about some issues rather than their boyfriends. So it got me thinking, what are the male besties doing that boyfriends aren’t?  Why are they free with the bestie and not you? Of course, I did some digging. 

We human beings are social creatures who interact at different levels forming different relationships. The three major ones according to Myles Monroe the author of waiting and dating are the mind, spirit, and body. The body or physical interaction level should be the last but we always make it our first choice, beauty before personality, motivation, purpose, and even dreams. After some time (let’s call a spade a spade that's after repeated sex) the relationship becomes stronger thanks to the oxytocin or the “bonding” hormone released by the females during an orgasm. Kim marshall in The great sex secret identifies this hormone as the mastermind behind those strong affectionate feelings and a desire to be closer to your partner. Now, this closeness is not only sexual, a booty call or a quickie doesn’t bring this closeness No, that’s where we go wrong. This closeness developed during coitus is meant to help us get through the vicissitudes of life.

While most boys or men, in general, don’t like talking about feelings girls on the other hand have to talk about them due to their occasional mood swings. And since they can’t talk to their fellow girls for obvious reasons they get someone to confer in. This someone is the male bestie, the guy she used to hang around with before you came in, and the one she walks with to and from lecturers (that’s if you’re not taking the same course). Why can’t she talk to you? Very easy, you’re her boyfriend and not her friend. You people don’t talk to each other as you’re supposed to because maybe you have different interests, motivation, dreams and your personalities are alien to one another. This makes your relationship to be built on sex only, remove sex from that relationship and there’s nothing. All your conversations are superficial so the male bestie covers the rest of the deep waters. Don’t be surprised if the guy knows a lot about your girl than you do, her favorite color, favorite music, etc. after all little things matter right? Then why don’t you know those little things?

Even though I can’t tell you the exact issues your girlfriend can discuss with her bestie (they vary) the right question should be why not talk to you?  Maybe you judge her on everything, you don’t know what motivates her or any of her interests so apart from asking her to get under the sheets with you how else will you solve her problem?  Myles argues that we all get into relationships with some needs, something lacking in our lives it might be happiness or we are lonely and we need some closeness or let’s be honest sex. This simply means you’ll be giving 50% to the relationship and so is your partner. None of you can give 100 because you’re focusing on your needs and at the same time hoping that your partner will fulfill them. When the bond is stronger but the boyfriend is not providing the other needs apart from sex (or even sex itself) the bestie is always there to the rescue.

                           I know there are some besties who are problematic, very dangerous around your girlfriend but that’s only because you’re not playing a vital role in friendship. Am not insinuating being her friend will solve the bestie problem, but it will reduce their level of interaction (unless she is insatiable). Be her friend, let her know she can count on you to listen and give viable advice. Talk more and build some pillars in your relationship apart from sex, know her interests like if I get one that is a movies and books fanatic like me we will definitely have a movie night every week, a book club too. It’s during this interaction that trust and intimacy are built, before you know it you won’t have to ask her she will open up about her worries with ease and the bestie will be out of the picture. Instead of crushing with jealousy about the bestie, it’s time to re-introduce each other, am sure some of you don’t even know all your girlfriends' names. Let me finish off Myles's words.

“Relationship does not guarantee fellowship. Living together does not guarantee togetherness. Two people can be together in proximity but miles apart in spirit, there is no intimacy”

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