THE MALE “BESTIE” WHY SHE NEEDS ONE AND HOW TO CHANGE THAT.

This past week I was doing some research, I picked ten girls randomly and asked them five simple Yes or NO questions and the response was amazing. Personally, I was intrigued by the results. Six out of ten agreed they have a male “bestie”. In addition, they all agreed on talking more to the bestie than their boyfriends no surprise there and some noted that they can talk to the bestie about some issues rather than their boyfriends. So it got me thinking, what are the male besties doing that boyfriends aren’t?  Why are they free with the bestie and not you? Of course, I did some digging. 

We human beings are social creatures who interact at different levels forming different relationships. The three major ones according to Myles Monroe the author of waiting and dating are the mind, spirit, and body. The body or physical interaction level should be the last but we always make it our first choice, beauty before personality, motivation, purpose, and even dreams. After some time (let’s call a spade a spade that's after repeated sex) the relationship becomes stronger thanks to the oxytocin or the “bonding” hormone released by the females during an orgasm. Kim marshall in The great sex secret identifies this hormone as the mastermind behind those strong affectionate feelings and a desire to be closer to your partner. Now, this closeness is not only sexual, a booty call or a quickie doesn’t bring this closeness No, that’s where we go wrong. This closeness developed during coitus is meant to help us get through the vicissitudes of life.

While most boys or men, in general, don’t like talking about feelings girls on the other hand have to talk about them due to their occasional mood swings. And since they can’t talk to their fellow girls for obvious reasons they get someone to confer in. This someone is the male bestie, the guy she used to hang around with before you came in, and the one she walks with to and from lecturers (that’s if you’re not taking the same course). Why can’t she talk to you? Very easy, you’re her boyfriend and not her friend. You people don’t talk to each other as you’re supposed to because maybe you have different interests, motivation, dreams and your personalities are alien to one another. This makes your relationship to be built on sex only, remove sex from that relationship and there’s nothing. All your conversations are superficial so the male bestie covers the rest of the deep waters. Don’t be surprised if the guy knows a lot about your girl than you do, her favorite color, favorite music, etc. after all little things matter right? Then why don’t you know those little things?

Even though I can’t tell you the exact issues your girlfriend can discuss with her bestie (they vary) the right question should be why not talk to you?  Maybe you judge her on everything, you don’t know what motivates her or any of her interests so apart from asking her to get under the sheets with you how else will you solve her problem?  Myles argues that we all get into relationships with some needs, something lacking in our lives it might be happiness or we are lonely and we need some closeness or let’s be honest sex. This simply means you’ll be giving 50% to the relationship and so is your partner. None of you can give 100 because you’re focusing on your needs and at the same time hoping that your partner will fulfill them. When the bond is stronger but the boyfriend is not providing the other needs apart from sex (or even sex itself) the bestie is always there to the rescue.

                           I know there are some besties who are problematic, very dangerous around your girlfriend but that’s only because you’re not playing a vital role in friendship. Am not insinuating being her friend will solve the bestie problem, but it will reduce their level of interaction (unless she is insatiable). Be her friend, let her know she can count on you to listen and give viable advice. Talk more and build some pillars in your relationship apart from sex, know her interests like if I get one that is a movies and books fanatic like me we will definitely have a movie night every week, a book club too. It’s during this interaction that trust and intimacy are built, before you know it you won’t have to ask her she will open up about her worries with ease and the bestie will be out of the picture. Instead of crushing with jealousy about the bestie, it’s time to re-introduce each other, am sure some of you don’t even know all your girlfriends' names. Let me finish off Myles's words.

“Relationship does not guarantee fellowship. Living together does not guarantee togetherness. Two people can be together in proximity but miles apart in spirit, there is no intimacy”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

PEER INFLUENCE; WHY PEERS CAN MAKE GOOD ROLE MODELS TOO

Image
  When you ask around among most young people, their role models are mostly filthy rich celebrities especially musicians, some will say influential people like Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. Mother Teresa etc. only a few like I will mention family members and some friends. But over the course of my social life, I have realized that indeed peers can also make good role models. I know in the past peer influence has been linked to inappropriate behavior such as doing drugs, truancy, and much other bad stuff but it’s high time we started looking for role models in our immediate environment. Am not insinuating that your celebrity or influential leader you have for a role model is not good enough. No. In fact, they are the best. My argument is, having someone you interact with daily, someone you know their struggle and live in it too for a role model can be more motivating than someone who probably grew up in a very different environment and times. Very few people out there can...
Read more

THE GIVE AND TAKE OF OUR MODERN SOCIETY: WHO'S YOUR BIGGEST SUPPORTER??

Image
We live in a give and take society, nothing comes for free even from your parents, your friends and even the government, to get services from the government we all have to be responsible citizens and pay taxes. The problem is we have let give and take stand in our way of offering simple help to those people who think they are connected to us.   So how does give and take work with parents? Picture this, I know there are some of us whose school fees and needs are met based on performance, not necessarily school work but how we carry out ourselves. Modern parents work with incentives when we behave well and help out with work during the holidays we are rewarded, we get extra monetary support, and when we misbehave and do little to help out with work, use most of our time on social media, drinking visiting friends, and whatever, there's punishment for that probably the school fees will be paid and the pocket money squeezed. They may not tell you why because we're grownups, our pa...
Read more

MUTUAL AID; REDUCE THE COST OF BEING A GIVER

Image
 Introduction  Among my favorite books I have read this month is Joyce Meyer’s Attitudes of the mind . It’s a religious approach on how we can all change our outlook and even our lives. In this book Meyer notes that relationships (every relationship) are built on things that we do for each other, the everybody wins attitude that I captured in my previous article “Give and take” some of us either knowingly or unknowingly want things done for us every time and then we wonder why people don’t like us or why we have fewer friends. Mutual aid is a key ethical skill that most givers and takers should all have. This article may take you one step closer to achieving that. 1. Under-promise, over-deliver Limit your promises even if you trust your ability to help, certainty is the enemy of growth, nothing is certain until it has happened, and even so, it’s still debatable. When it comes to delivery do more than what they expected or you promised. A perfect example is politicians, most of...
Read more